food for thought…

As I am borrowing this from a friend’s FB post, I don’t own this. But I am living it.

One of the things that I love about being in the States (umm, I do still like some parts – save the stupid DC Parking Enforcement jerks – more on that later) is the food options.  There’s just so much availability and so many choices – a great place to be for a foodie like myself.  It’s been a little difficult coming back and having to decide what it is I want to eat.  Menus with pages of entrees.  Convenience stores with numerous beverage choices.  So many different restaurants.

I’d really become used to just going with the flow.  Not really having to make a choice due to very limited choices.  But since I’ve returned, I’ve sat in complete puzzlement over menus and in refrigerated coolers – trying to figure out what to eat or drink.  One thing that hasn’t changed is my quest to make healthier choices.  To eat foods that are as close to natural as possible.  Limiting additives and chemicals and ingredients that are not also available in the store.  It’s not so easy, I’m finding and it’s become quite frustrating.

My latest (high fructose corn syrup went out the window a few years back) ingredient reject is natural flavors.  On a quest for fresh lemonade (ha! – with all the choices – a lot harder than one would think), I noticed its presence in just about all of the so-called “natural” beverages.  The inquisitive child that I am began to wonder exactly what natural flavors are…  So I looked to Dr. Google…  And learned an awful lot…

They are lab created taste sensations added to food to make them taste like the things that they’re supposed to be.  Yeah.  I don’t get it either.  If you want something to taste like something – why don’t you just add the thing that you want it to taste like.  I mean.  That’s what I would do.  But.  Not here in the States.  So many products are filled with chemicals and fillers and garbage that is killing us all.  And so many of us don’t even bother to look to see what we consume…  And our health is suffering as a result.  Diabetes.  Hypertension.  High Blood Pressure.  Heart Disease.  Hidden in ingredient lists that we don’t bother to read.

Take a few minutes…  Read the ingredients…  Know what you are eating and where it comes from…  You are what you eat.  So what are you?

I’m making my own damned lemonade.  :)

american woman

Really. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m sure you’ve heard that time and time again, so I hate to be the one that reminds you… pero…

I’ve been back in the States just four days. Days filled with reunions and hugs and catching up with loved ones… but…

I’m ready to leave again. And this time I’m unsure if or when I can return. I’m no longer the woman that boarded that plane last July. My journey has been one of clarity, balance, unconditional self-love, acceptance, peace, joy, freedom, forgiveness… All things that remained elusive in years past.

Here, I am haunted by reminders of who I once was. Who I wanted to be. Who I am no longer. Where I can never return…

I am reminded that true wealth cannot be bought, sold or mortgaged. It doesn’t exist in a designer handbag or an expensive car. The things I once sought, believing they would bring happiness…

And no soon as I returned, an offer was made to bring me back to a life that really isn’t mine. Honestly, I considered it for a moment. Thinking that the brief nature of it wouldn’t be so bad. I mean to pick up extra cash in between dreams… Why leave money on the table?

Because my soul is no longer for sale. Justification won’t make it right.

Maybe it’s not me…

entre dos mundos… between two worlds

I left San Marcos this morning. One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Mis amigos gave me quite the send-off. We had an amazing pot luck dinner on Sunday – complete with fried chicken and waffles, macaroni & cheese, chocolate cake, brownies, sweet potatoes, biscuits, cornbread, beet salad, veggie stir fry, a frittata, sautéed carrots… Yeah. We put it down at del Lago. It all made me realize how much I will miss mi familia de San Marcos la Laguna. What an incredibly awesome group of people. And this morning, a few dear friends saw me off on the shuttle to where I sit now – Guatemala City.

The contrast between where I awoke this morning and am now is incredibly stark. I decided to treat myself to a few nights in a nice hotel before returning to the States. Hotel Inmaculada was too good to pass up. Number one on Trip Advisor for Guatemala City, with relatively low prices and close proximity to the airport made it just what I needed. Or thought I did. Arriving to the muzak version of Coldplay’s Viva la Vida made me wish I’d been dropped off at the hostel that another gentleman on my shuttle departed to. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still have a fond appreciation of 500+ count thread sheets and hot showers (the first one left me panting…). But the sterile nature of my surroundings really have me missing the realness of del Lago…

Yet, when I was there, I often felt out of place with the backpacker’s lifestyle. Yes I’ve adjusted nicely, save those eight minute lukewarm electric showers… But my pack has wheels, peeps – I AM NOT A BACKPACKER. Shoo, my first hostel stay was at del Lago – and only because I stayed out longer than the last tuk-tuk. Is it that I belong in both places or neither? Does a middle ground exist? A place where I can spoil the luxury loving Taurus in me… without pretense…

wait. for. it.

A Lesson In Not Putting Off What You Could Do Today…

So, here in Guatemala, especially in the remote parts, the internet is just not everywhere you want to be.  And they don’t take Visa, either.  But luckily, one can buy a wireless modem relatively inexpensively and get access whenever cloud formations allow…  Since moving to my new/soon-to-be former residence, I’ve had the pleasure of having one of those wireless modems and have been quite pleased with it.  Until now.

So, Tigo (the wireless company) sells premium internet service for 299Q (about $40USD) – not bad, considering where we are.  But.  Your quetzales will only buy you 30 days or 8GB of service.  I mean.  8GB.  Really.  Being selfish, are we Tigo?  I can burn through 8GB in like 3 days.  Or 14, apparently.  Because after a late Saturday night/early Sunday morning YouTube party (People are Awesome vs. Extreme Idiots), in the middle of watching City of God (okay, like 8 minutes into it), my internet died.  Yes.  Tigo cut my ish off!  Since it was already after sunset, I decided that the favela could wait and I’d add more credit in the morning…

A-tee-hee.  I woke up Monday morning with a fever of 102°.  Yes.  I carry a digital thermometer in my first aid kit.  I’m a momma dammit.  At least I got rid of that Ricola (and the remnants of its rampage).  But yes.  A fever.  Kicking off my last week in San Marcos. Complete with aches, chills and congestion.  Joy!  Short of restroom visits, I couldn’t get out of bed.  Couldn’t eat.  Didn’t want to drink.  And there I was.  No frickin internet.  And I haven’t had a television since Buenos Aires, so…

So I thought about using my credit card to pay… but  I figured it really wasn’t worth setting up a payment account for the 200Q I’d need to get some more internet into my veins.  Or to make it into the other room to get said credit card.  So, I figured, I could wait.  OMG – the delirium of influenza!  I tried reading my Kindle for awhile – but have you ever tried to read while battling legions of viruses and stuff??? Sucks a bit, don’t it?  My eyes hurt too damned bad to even look at the pages!  Oh the suffering!  Suffering from not having mindless crap to keep me entertained during my illness!  Just awful, y’all.

So I thought about using my credit card to pay… but again, it really wasn’t worth the hassle of setting up a payment account just for one more week of service.  So, I lay here beating myself up for laying here the night before when I should have been at the frickin tienda loading up my Tigo account – just in case I woke up the next day with the flu.

We all know how that worked out.

I’m better now, if you were wondering.  As is the internets.

chica, eres muy guapa

Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas…

Little Mayan beauty of only twelve, I wish that you could see what I see…  It isn’t the color of your skin that is the problem, it’s the people who’ve told you that something is wrong with your lovely caramel complexion that are the problem.  You see, they too, were brainwashed to believe that black and brown are bad…  When both beauty and ugly exist in every color, creed, nationality, race, socio-economic status, religion, etc.  But in this world…  In this world, we continue to judge only our differences, instead of appreciating and accepting our sameness.

We like to pretend that beauty exists in only one human form – but, how can that be, when I look around at this world and see God’s canvas alive with colors existing together, creating together, complimenting one another…  How silly would it be to downplay the beauty of one of God’s creations because of its color?

If only the sun were whiter, this picture would be beautiful... Oh, well.

Yeah.  It sounds absolutely ridiculous.  Because it is.  But we do that with each other.  And because we do that, you don’t believe in your natural beauty.  As I once didn’t believe in my own.  Maybe because I didn’t have it.  Back when I too, believed that beauty was found in hair, lips and skin that were straighter, thinner and lighter than my own.  Life has taught me otherwise and I prayed for you today that you receive a similar lesson.  Because you absolutely broke my heart when you told me today that you didn’t like the darkness of your skin (or mine) and wished it were the color of Julio’s.  It’s why I called you linda, hermosa, y guapa… Because you are.  Just as you are…

some soul in san marcos

A girl can dream, eh... Photo of Willie Mae's Scotch House, New Orleans, Louisiana. Flashbacking on the fried chicken.

There isn’t much good food here in San Marcos.  There.  I said it.  Very frustrating to a foodie like me.  And it doesn’t make sense.  Y’all haven’t heard me complain once about a cheese or bacon issue.  You can pretty much get most of what is common in the States.  Yes, there are definitely concessions – but, there isn’t any one thing that I’m missing like crazy or can’t wait to have – save soft serve ice cream.

But here, despite the wealth of abundance, the food seemingly lacks one essential ingredient – love.  I know – even more puzzling in a place whose energy feels incredibly like – love.  Somehow, it’s not making it on to the plates.  Does it stem from hurt carried by the locals due to expats coming here and living way better than they?  Or is food more of a utilitarian concept – where it’s just made to be eaten and not enjoyed?  I don’t understand what it is – but it’s disappointing.

I’ve been itching to bake cookies lately and somehow, a few of us decided that yesterday was the day.  I went to the hostel in the afternoon to share the ingredients that I had to make chewy chocolate chip cookies, recipe courtesy of The Smitten Kitchen…  While basking in the afterglow of said truly crispy and chewy cookies, I mentioned to the chef at Cafe Del Lago (BTW – he is excluded from my above judgment.  Pablo loves what he does and you taste it in every bite) that since I am leaving in (gasp) two weeks that he needs to come over to my home again for dinner – and this time, let me cook.  We started talking about soul food – and y’all know me…  I puts it down in the kitchen. LOL.

He said he wanted me to make fried chicken, so I was like cool – thinking it would be in the coming days…  No.  Pablo goes into the kitchen and immediately grabs his chicken breasts and begins to prepare them for my brine.  The next thing I knew, we were preparing lists ready to create a southern feast, complete with macaroni and cheese, fried potatoes and kale.  In my element y’all.  The question was asked whether we should sell the food to customers – and I said that I’d rather share it.  It all came together quite nicely.

Pablo pulled fresh kale from his kale tree (so frickin cool) and I sautéed it in bacon, salt and pepper.  No one said this was gonna be healthy.  LOL.  The three-cheese (cheddar, gruyere and mozzarella) macaroni and cheese was also topped with bacon.  And the chicken and potatoes were seasoned and dropped in the deep fryer.  It took us some time, with working around the dinner rush – but when it was all done – so were the other orders.  And we were all able to just sit down and enjoy.  And that we did…

The beauty of it was that the Mayan family who lives on the property at the hostel – I think they are the guardas -  a few who’d watched me preparing some of the dishes, came and ate with us.  I have NEVER been more proud to share a meal in my life.  I’m not sure if they’d ever had soul food before.  But I am proud to report that every bite included a touch of love…

I’m gonna miss this place…

chocolate, waffles and beer

It's leading somewhere... I promise.

I cannot help but laugh at myself sometimes.  When I get into planning mode, all sorts of crazy things can happen…  Like searching for internet flight deals and stumbling across an unbelievably incredible one-way fare to Brussels, Belgium and just buying it.  So.  I do not arrive in Barcelona on June 12th.  I arrive in Brussels.

The connection to Brussels?  Very good friends of mine were moving there and although we knew it would happen, when  was the question.  In my travels, I admit, I haven’t been the best in communicating with those that are nearest and dearest…  A side effect to this lifestyle, man.  That said, I bought the ticket yesterday BEFORE confirming whether or not they had actually made the move.  Dude, a one way ticket from NYC to Brussels for under $400.  I know.  Every other site wanted at least $400 more and up to $2200 for the same flight…

I found it through fly.com and bought it on cheapoair.com for a Brussels Airlines flight – I couldn’t pass it up!  Even after reading some of the horrible reviews about CheapOAir…  But after booking, I checked with the airline and found that I do actually have a seat on the flight that I paid very little for.  I figured that even if my friends haven’t arrived yet, the flight savings are worth the opportunity to explore the area for a few days before heading on to Spain.  But, this morning they confirmed their arrival and welcomed my visit!  So, more change.  You should come to expect much of that from me.  What can I say…  It’s how I roll.

I am SOOOO excited that I am beginning the next chapter in Brussels…  With old friends in a new place.

Does this mean I must change the name of my blog?????